#5. Don't be committed to the outcome
I heard an interview with Butler's granddaughter on NPR this morning (Butler being the billionaire who is donating billions to the Gates Foundation). She is a 30-yr-old artist living in New York (rather cliche if you ask me - the offspring of very wealthy people tend to be creatives. I think its due to the fact that they can afford to be).
The interviewer asked how she felt about the majority of her grandfather's riches going to charity. She was pleased (albeit she admitted there were times in her life she really just wanted the windfalls of fortune to be passed on down to her). Good answers all around.
She said that her grandfather was fulfilling her grandmother's wishes and that she would be very happy with his decision. She then went on to quote 5 of her grandmother's favorite sayings. Number 5 stuck with me. What amazingly poignant words of wisdom for me these days. I wish I had heard this repeated to me over and over and over again as a kid - maybe I wouldn't be the nutcase I am today. The one who panics in adverse situations (I might need to explain that one a wee bit better: I am a ROCK when really bad times sweep through. If really horrible things happen, like say the family car got washed away in a flood... I'm A-OK. But the thought of it possibly happening beforehand, sends me spiraling. And small situations like mis-placing the keys.... makes me borderline insane. I'll climb walls freaking out. Yes, none of this makes any sense, I'm aware). The one who loses their sense of reality when life throws a wrench in the works and ultimately messes with my life plan. Life plan: Get married by 27, buy a house, start with kids by 30, have 2 kids total and travel to Europe again before I am 40. What a ridiculous schedule I created. I didn't take anything into account like, oh say, finances - biology - jobs - etc. I just created this plan that seemed very simple and straight forward (and I thought rather open-ended with the "start having kids by 30". Like that comment gave me some room to breathe in the years leading up to it). But here I am having absolute melt-downs that if we don't have kids - then what of my plan? Cause, I really do picture Peter coming home for an excellent cup of Maxwell House early Christmas morning someday (but I'd probably not name my son Peter). I am, and have been, committed to the outcome. HOW can I not do this anymore? Its easier said then done for me. I think its easier said then done for many people... that's how cliches like, "You'll find someone when you aren't looking," came so popular. Many people panic about the outcome (phew, strength in numbers Brooke, you are not alone). Still, the feeling that I have right now - the frenzied crazies - makes me very tired. Thinking all the time makes me feel as though I have run a marathon. I really need to get control and try my best to enjoy TODAY and forget tomorrow... whatever it may be. Cause in reality, there is never a picture perfect outcome.
* Congratulations to L. She's pregnant.
The interviewer asked how she felt about the majority of her grandfather's riches going to charity. She was pleased (albeit she admitted there were times in her life she really just wanted the windfalls of fortune to be passed on down to her). Good answers all around.
She said that her grandfather was fulfilling her grandmother's wishes and that she would be very happy with his decision. She then went on to quote 5 of her grandmother's favorite sayings. Number 5 stuck with me. What amazingly poignant words of wisdom for me these days. I wish I had heard this repeated to me over and over and over again as a kid - maybe I wouldn't be the nutcase I am today. The one who panics in adverse situations (I might need to explain that one a wee bit better: I am a ROCK when really bad times sweep through. If really horrible things happen, like say the family car got washed away in a flood... I'm A-OK. But the thought of it possibly happening beforehand, sends me spiraling. And small situations like mis-placing the keys.... makes me borderline insane. I'll climb walls freaking out. Yes, none of this makes any sense, I'm aware). The one who loses their sense of reality when life throws a wrench in the works and ultimately messes with my life plan. Life plan: Get married by 27, buy a house, start with kids by 30, have 2 kids total and travel to Europe again before I am 40. What a ridiculous schedule I created. I didn't take anything into account like, oh say, finances - biology - jobs - etc. I just created this plan that seemed very simple and straight forward (and I thought rather open-ended with the "start having kids by 30". Like that comment gave me some room to breathe in the years leading up to it). But here I am having absolute melt-downs that if we don't have kids - then what of my plan? Cause, I really do picture Peter coming home for an excellent cup of Maxwell House early Christmas morning someday (but I'd probably not name my son Peter). I am, and have been, committed to the outcome. HOW can I not do this anymore? Its easier said then done for me. I think its easier said then done for many people... that's how cliches like, "You'll find someone when you aren't looking," came so popular. Many people panic about the outcome (phew, strength in numbers Brooke, you are not alone). Still, the feeling that I have right now - the frenzied crazies - makes me very tired. Thinking all the time makes me feel as though I have run a marathon. I really need to get control and try my best to enjoy TODAY and forget tomorrow... whatever it may be. Cause in reality, there is never a picture perfect outcome.
* Congratulations to L. She's pregnant.
posted by Brooke Ullman at 10:02 AM
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