Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Monday, July 2, 2007

That's baby Ullman's birthday.
You know these things when you schedule a cesarean.
Yup, a C-Section.
A surgical delivery.
A not-so-happy & reluctant mom will be getting cut open sometime Monday afternoon... and then will be able to meet her daughter, hopefully, very soon after.
Why the C-Section? In a word: breech.
Baby has sat upright facing out (to my left) since I was able to recognize that this hard, round object was indeed, a head. If you've been reading my blog, you know that my prenatal instructor recommended lunges and gently messaging her to flip around. I've tried sitting inverted on an ironing board, ice packs on my belly and coaxing her downward with a flashlight. I've been hopeful that she'd flip as the date drew closer... and I've been preparing for the realities that she never will.
8:15AM - We went to the doctor for my 38th week check-up. Rob went to help me remember the list of questions... and to help me remember the answers (I am both forgetful and not listening these days). The doc asked right away, "Any questions?" I told him it depended what he found out (knowing we are watching a breech baby). He poked her head, "I feel something hard and round here still," he squeezed and pinched above my public bone, "and something soft here like a butt."
I left the doctor's office 2 weeks ago pissed off at the baby like it was all her fault. All her fault for being so stubborn. And stupid. Doesn't she want to work with nature? I cried and I later got over it hoping there was still a chance she'd flip. Today, I just cried. He said, "I think we should schedule." And I just cried. Rob saw the pending waterworks so he hoped up and sat with me on the table before the flood. Smart man. Lucky wife.
I motioned for a tissue next to the doctor while Rob took over explaining that I was just scared and nervous having never had a major surgical procedure before. And, he's right. It was nice that he took over.
The doctor then says, "So Michelle will set something up for Monday or Tuesday."
Monday or Tuesday? Holy sh*t! Like, in a week? I lose a weekend? I mean, I knew this pregnancy would end, and soon, but in a week? I just... it changes everything. The KNOWING the date changes all your emotions. Its kind of relaxing, really. I no longer have to worry about when it will happen or what do contractions feel like or how long will labor be or will my water break at the office. But, its also disappointing cause there are really no surprises left yet. We didn't wait till the end to find out what sex the baby is and now we aren't even going to be surprised about her birth/ birthdate.
I feel a little like a cheater. I won't know what contractions feel like at all. Don't get me wrong - I went into the doctor's office prepared to tell him that I did NOT want to go into labor knowing she'd still possibly be breech and ultimately delivered cesarean. I've known people who had to push and try and struggle... only to have it all end with the doctor taking the baby. F*ck that.
But, maybe the next one, ...right?
So, we have yet to schedlue the time but it will be Monday July 2nd afternoon. I wanted the 3rd (I like odd numbers, particularly the number 3) but apparently it was all booked. I don't think the doctor wanted to push it until the 7th either. So, the 2nd it is. I guarantee I will not sleep the night before and will have chewed off all my fingernails by the time I am strapped down.
4:10PM - Went to the potty at work to find a rather unpleasant surprise. I was spotting. It was actually a bit more than that. My first thought, "Great! Do I have a tampon?"What are you thinking? Snap out of it!
I, literally, ran to my desk to grab a liner that I happened to have. I actually had a co-worker pull a fast left-right move to get out of my way... its funny looking back on it now. It must have been wild to have this belly running at you and then pilaging through their bag.
I ran back to the bathroom stall and called the doctor. Apparently, the cervix is "very vascular" and with the doctor checking me today (1.5cm and 50% effaced) its not too shocking that I'd bleed as a result. Phew! I was told to go home and put my feet up.
I darted home and got into bed from 4:30 - 7PM. I then carted my big butt to the couch where I haven't moved in 2.5 hrs. I think I'll head back to bed soon and read my book. I do, afterall, have 3 days left at work and I need to remain in good shape.
Less than 6 days to go now...

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Time

Timing. Its all about timing. Or is it that it always happens at the wrong time? Or, at the same time?
*sigh*
Time, these days, is what we need more and less of (all at the same time).
So, I still work for a contract agency. They pay very well, pay overtime and they have a pretty great short-term disability program (maternity leave). They will cover 60% of my "salary" each week I am out for however long the doctor recommends. I pick up the doctor's papers next Tuesday, but I think he suggested 7 or 8 weeks for leave. So, that's 60% coverage for 7 to 8 weeks. I plan to take off July 9th (the day before my due date) through Labor Day weekend which is 8 weeks. Perfect!
Not so fast.
My employer (for whom I contract work) is offering all its contract workers fulltime jobs. This is fine, I was, afterall, hired as a "contract to hire" staffer last fall. But, that was also supposed to take place by April. Here we are, 2.5 weeks before my leave and they are just now beginning the paperwork to get this ball rolling. I do not care to switch health insurance companies 20 days before my due date (cutting it a wee bit too close for my liking). AND, my company (for whom I contract) only offers 2 weeks at 100% salary and the 3rd week at 75% salary for maternity leave (why so low? Because I will have worked for them for less than 1 year. After 1 year employment, the really good benefit packages are available). *Sigh*, I'm a little peeved because I had been squirreling away money here and there to supplement the contract agency's 60% package. I never planned or prepared for the latter, lack luster package offered by my company.
So, now what? Well, nothing has changed yet... maybe my company will continue to move slowly so I end up leaving on maternity leave before they get me to sign papers. Maybe I can sign on "fulltime employment" the day I return from leave(most ideal!). Or, maybe I'll go into early labor thus causing/subjecting my company to wait till I return to then sign on (also, ideal!). Or maybe they'll understand reason and agree that I should stay contract till I return (again, ideal!). Or, maybe I'll just get screwed (not good or ideal).
All I can do right now is wait.
Ah! But there's more to my rant tonight. Rob's car. Rob's transmission. And our waiting to get a new car that may need to be suddenly... hastened.
Rob's car has been making this metallic clanging sound. Kinda like a pan lid when the steam causes it to hop around... only feverishly! This sound has only gotten worse and has had us both worried. Rob took it in today to find out it was some transmission plate that is loose (or needs replacing) AND his transmission is running high. The estimate = $1000 or more. The mechanic doesn't do transmissions, so we just dropped it off at another place for a second opinion. But let's be frank, its not going to be good no matter where we take it. Yes, yes, by some miracle it could be a loose bolt for $.95 and the first mechanic simply doesn't know what the hell he's talking about. Or, we could get real and prepare for a very high second estimate.
Rob's car, a 2000 Kia Sophia is only worth about $2500 according to Kelly's Blue Book and even that seems inflated. This car is NOT worth fixing. So, now we face HAVING to get another car. And fast. Remember... I'm DUE in 3 weeks! And Rob, doesn't drive stickshift (my car is stickshift). Can this get anymore ridiculous?
Yes, it can.
We are waiting to buy the Jeep Patriot. We haven't yet because the "Friends and Family Discount" I plan to use doesn't go into effect until Chrystler has waited about 6+ months of this new car being out on the market. They usually have new car models on the market (with no incentives) to maximize how much they earn, etc before they then begin to allow any discounts to apply. Makes sense,... but its killing us. The truck has been on the market about 6 months and we have to now wait until July 2nd to see if they will let us use this discount. That's 2 weeks from now. That's 2 weeks Rob has no car, 1 week closer to my due date (and, please keep in mind the volume of errands we have currently from doctor visits, pediatrician interviews, car seat installations, baby gear to buy, a wedding to attend) and... what if it turns out the discount STILL does not apply once July 2nd hits. Then what?
My mess gets messier.
Timing is key more then ever now.
I don't know when I'll go into labor (any day in the next 3-4 weeks). I don't know if the new car discount will go into effect for July until July 2nd. I don't know what my short-term disability package will be until my employer calls me to the hiring table. And, we only have so much money set aside for all these things. If I get the short-term disability package for 7-8 weeks at 60%, my savings should cover me AND allow us to get the car. If I get the other package, I'm looking at depleting the car funds in order to stay home OR returning to work a month after the baby is born (NOT an option as far as I am concerned!!!).
So, again, its all timing. And what can I do about it? Nothing! absolutely nothing. Just, sit... and wait. Wait to go into labor. Wait to be called to the hiring table. Wait to see what they say about Rob's transmission. Wait to see when we can apply that car discount to buy a new truck. Wait, wait, wait.
I just hope the dam doesn't break on all these waiting games. I just hope I don't get knocked over by a tidal wave of results all on the same day.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Sopranos

Well, that was a waste of my hour tonight.
Hell, the whole season was a waste. Watching the Sopranos these last few months has been like watching paint dry. Sure, there were some whacks but there was much more dialogue between fat f#cks jabbering on about money and what they plan to do with their money and how the intend to blow their money, money, money...ZZzzzzzzzz.
This last season; which, should have been shown in its entirety a year ago instead of dragging it all out (which, I think was a ploy to keep HBO subscribers paying each month waiting for it to come back on & finish already) should have been whacked. The storyline ceased being interesting when it became obvious that HBO was dragging out the seasons. HBO desperately wants to find its next "IT" show after the loss of Sex In The City, Sopranos, 6 Feet Under, Carnivale and Deadwood. I personally enjoy Big Love but, other than that,there are no other shows that I can't live without. Frankly, I think the new shows they are hyping up all look stupid. And I'm sick of one-hour commitment shows now that so many networks have started running seasons of on-going storylines that dominate my evenings night after night.
Bah! Sopranos. You made me squirm on the couch this last hour not from your edgy writing or nail-biting intensity. You made my ass fall asleep again and again. I actually turned to Rob at 9:59PM asking it it would finally end at 10PM or was this a 2-hour series finale.
And... Journey? I not only stopped believing, I quit caring. I'm going to bed to read a good book.

Free time, ha!

Just what the hell is free time and what does one do with it when they find themselves having it on hand?
I had intentionally planned on lightening my "workload/errand-load" this final month of pregnancy and yet, that doesn't seem to be happening. This week includes: new gutters going up on the back of the house (who-hoo! Finally!), getting bloodwork tested for a new life insurance policy, yoga, my first of the final 4 OB/GYN doctor visits (an internal visit, yikes!), a pre-screening of the Silver Surfer (complete with a popcorn tub, coke and candy for each person! A company "package perk" that I won last week...) and then Rob leaves for Charlotte on Friday not to return until late Sunday.
If I could go to Target and buy a box of sleep off of the shelves, I would.

Sunday, June 03, 2007

Jobby Job Job

Many of you have emailed or called inquiring about my employment. It is true - there has been one or two rashes of "let-go's" at my company lately and I can assure you all... of nothing. I don't even know myself. I have been on hold for over a full month now and... my status is still unclear.
I cannot say this has been easy or that I've been focusing ahead while the cards fall around me as they may. I did, at first, behave this way. As more & more time passes and less & less information has been made available to me - I have become more and more stressed out! I am torn between going out on a spending spree to make myself feel better and sitting around stockpiling money "just in case."
I have been told that Monday, tomorrow, will be filled with the answers I seek. we'll see, like I said, I have been on hold for awhile now.
Please, stand by...
*update* As of June 5th, I have been told my job is secure and that I will be offered a full-time, permanent position. Phew! Thanks to all of you expressed concern and sent very nice emails. And thanks to everyone that had to listen to me lament whether you cared to or not.