Burnin' Bridges '08
Every year I make a resolution that's not always mainstream "norm". A few years ago it was to stop making fun of people. That last at least 2 weeks, maybe 2 and 1/2.
This year - Burnin' Bridges '08
I have the habit of keeping up with friendships that no one else would spend 1 minute on. I don't necessarily maintain them so much as I will make a friendship rise from the dead. Many of which, should stay dead.
Take ex-boyfriends, for instance. I don't make a habit of calling or connecting with them. I will occasionally drop an email just to see if they are alive, dead, married or divorced or if they ever amounted to anything since I left them in my wake. Why bother, you ask? Everybody asks. Even my last boyfriend asked but was later "happy" to know I would do the same with him years later. Some of that is changing this year, however, some bridges are best left burnt.
Its not just old dead friendships and relationships that I like waste my efforts on - its friendships that don't return the favor, to.
When I look back on all the people I have had actively call me, email me, send me a latter or stop by my house for a visit - its far less than the number of people I feel compelled to send a Christmas card to. Why the hell do I feel the need to give some of these people just 5 minutes to send this email or just $.41 to send this Christmas card when they don't give a lick to return the same amount of energy back my way?
I have discovered, through the power of passing a human out of my body in '07, that the number of people I haven't spent time & energy on came out of the woodwork to supply us with kind words, cards of congratulations, stop overs to meet the baby and home-cooked meals.
I plan to do a better job of giving back to the people who have given to me and if that means stealing back the 5 minutes or the $.41 stamp I waste on yet another almost dead friendship --- then so be it. Cause aren't friendships supposed to make you feel good not worn out from all the work?
This year - Burnin' Bridges '08
I have the habit of keeping up with friendships that no one else would spend 1 minute on. I don't necessarily maintain them so much as I will make a friendship rise from the dead. Many of which, should stay dead.
Take ex-boyfriends, for instance. I don't make a habit of calling or connecting with them. I will occasionally drop an email just to see if they are alive, dead, married or divorced or if they ever amounted to anything since I left them in my wake. Why bother, you ask? Everybody asks. Even my last boyfriend asked but was later "happy" to know I would do the same with him years later. Some of that is changing this year, however, some bridges are best left burnt.
Its not just old dead friendships and relationships that I like waste my efforts on - its friendships that don't return the favor, to.
When I look back on all the people I have had actively call me, email me, send me a latter or stop by my house for a visit - its far less than the number of people I feel compelled to send a Christmas card to. Why the hell do I feel the need to give some of these people just 5 minutes to send this email or just $.41 to send this Christmas card when they don't give a lick to return the same amount of energy back my way?
I have discovered, through the power of passing a human out of my body in '07, that the number of people I haven't spent time & energy on came out of the woodwork to supply us with kind words, cards of congratulations, stop overs to meet the baby and home-cooked meals.
I plan to do a better job of giving back to the people who have given to me and if that means stealing back the 5 minutes or the $.41 stamp I waste on yet another almost dead friendship --- then so be it. Cause aren't friendships supposed to make you feel good not worn out from all the work?
posted by Brooke Ullman at 10:20 PM
6 Comments:
Brooke,
the vestiges of former life are wearing thin. people that you care about don't understand your new world, and really could give a shit. it's tough. I think it's just part of the process, at least it was for me.
what it comes down to is the obligation of how you are supposed to feel, and questioning whether you still do..
and the real question.. what do you decide?
am I on the right track?
kendra
Sort of.
Its more - why the hell are you contacting me out-of-the-blue and acting like you want to catch up when you'll just drop the ball again after I write you some long-ass email update!
I really cannot stand the brief one-lines, "Hey! How have you been?" and then they never write you back again. If you don't care to respond - to write me to begin with.
Also, I have tendency to drop long emails/letters/ phone calls to people who never do their end of the work when it comes to maintaining the friendship. I should just drop them and send that letter to a good friend who does go out-of-their way to keep up with me. Ya know?
I feel pretty confident that I'm on your list of those to give up on. Is there any hope of redeeming myself?
Nah, your own of those friends who will always be in and out of my life (in when there is great news to share and out when we are both bizzy livin' out lives!). You hold up your end, girl!
Hi Brooke~
I was looking for a way to contact you, and I am happy to have found your site through a mutual friend. Uh,... after reading your Blog I must say I'm a bit discouraged, maybe even intimidated. Not exactly a warm and fuzzy message you put out there. I remember feeling the exact same way when I moved to AZ with my husband. With regards to my "long distance" friendships, I felt like I had to put in 99% and my "friends" put in 1%. It was a reality check. I called the most important ones, and basically gave them ultimatums. Sometimes ya just gotta clean house! So, I’m back in the mid west now, and am expecting twins (any second) with my husband. Through the years you have been in my thoughts, and I wondered how you were. I am so happy to have found you, and see that you have a happy, and healthy family. You look just like you did at FHS!! Do you age at all? Btw,…The bird of Paradise is as big as a Turkey right now,… you would get a good laugh if you could just see it! Bis Bald ~ Nena
Am wochende ich spielte Tennis mit Nena.
Well, well. Where the hell have you been?
I even saw Wegman at our 10 year reunion and we talked about you. Saw Distelhorst, too!
I am assuming you've seen my baby blog, too (linked off of this blog)... Evie is very entertaining (what the heck did I do with all my freetime before being a working mom?).
TWINS?!. Ah! I know you can hardly wait (or stand the aches and pains)... but TRUST ME. Sit on your butt and do NOTHING all day long until you go into labor. Watch meaningless TV, enjoy a hot cup of coffee and a warm dinner, enjoy the silence at 3AM... cause you never will again, heh heh.
Its all great, really, but the beginning is tough and with twins, it'll be tougher!
You are in AZ? You know I went to Tucson for my freshman year, right? Where are you?
Send some contact info (and a photo of this awesome belly: bkullman@comcast.net
PS, George officially changed his name to "Yiorgo"
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