I'm allergic to nuts
So we had maybe 10 whole trick-or-treaters this year. That's 3 more than last year. Who-hoo!
The second-to-last batch came around 8:30PM. A brother, about 10 or 11 years old, and his sister about 6 (when you don't have kids you haven't a clue how to tell ages. I could be way off). I recognized the dad from a recent volunteering event I had done. I waved and ackowledge him as I stuck candy in his kids' bags. I gave the boy a York Peppermint Patty and some vanilla Tootsie Rolls. The girl got a Take Five candy bar and some Tootsie Rolls. As the kids walked down my walkway to meet up with dad... the boy starts slowing and digging through his stuff. Dad starts flagging him in.
"Wait a minute! Wait a MINUTE!", the boy is talking to either me or dad. I'm standing on my stoop... waiting.
He turns around with the patty in hand, "I DON"T LIKE MINT!"
I'm a little baffled at this outburst. I mean, when I was a kid - the goal was to gather as much freaking candy as HUMANLY possible before it was lights out at 9PM. You then raced home with a sack (LITERALLY weighing 6 lbs) only to begin bartering with your friends. Example, I always hated Butterfingers but loved Bottle Caps. And so, the great trading game would begin.
I chuckle to the kid's dad (yes, I chuckled, bug off),"Its OK!" turning to the boy, "You want to do a trade? I got ...uh... Take Five here...[dig, dig]... and uh...."
"I'M ALLERGIC TO NUTS!" He almost blurts at me as he plunks the peppermint patty back into my bowl.
What the hell kid. What the fuck are you out BEGGING for candy then? I mean, c'mon. You're embarrassing me, your humilating dad... and just look at your well-behaved sister who's stuck trolling behind your candy-ass (pun sort of not intended) only to miss out on a great haul.
"Well, everything else I have HAS nuts [thumbing past some Reeses Cups]."
"I'm ALLERGIC TO NUTS!" he begins to lean into my bowl. I'm getting a little annoyed like this kid thinks I don't know what nuts are... like he needs to assist me in reading the labels or something.
"Uh, how about a bunch of vanilla tootsie rolls?" I suggest," Its all I got [waving 3 candies in the air]."
"DOES IT HAVE NUTS?"
No you fucking dolt. Have you ever heard of Tootsie Rolls? I think they were invented during WW1 for God's sake.
Dad starts to help me,"C'mon buddy - yeah, those are great, get some of those. I'll eat 'em"
I take the outstretched hand of opportunity and shove the candies in his bag, "There you go! Give these to dad - he likes 'em. G'night!"
I really wish I could have tape-recorded this event.
The second-to-last batch came around 8:30PM. A brother, about 10 or 11 years old, and his sister about 6 (when you don't have kids you haven't a clue how to tell ages. I could be way off). I recognized the dad from a recent volunteering event I had done. I waved and ackowledge him as I stuck candy in his kids' bags. I gave the boy a York Peppermint Patty and some vanilla Tootsie Rolls. The girl got a Take Five candy bar and some Tootsie Rolls. As the kids walked down my walkway to meet up with dad... the boy starts slowing and digging through his stuff. Dad starts flagging him in.
"Wait a minute! Wait a MINUTE!", the boy is talking to either me or dad. I'm standing on my stoop... waiting.
He turns around with the patty in hand, "I DON"T LIKE MINT!"
I'm a little baffled at this outburst. I mean, when I was a kid - the goal was to gather as much freaking candy as HUMANLY possible before it was lights out at 9PM. You then raced home with a sack (LITERALLY weighing 6 lbs) only to begin bartering with your friends. Example, I always hated Butterfingers but loved Bottle Caps. And so, the great trading game would begin.
I chuckle to the kid's dad (yes, I chuckled, bug off),"Its OK!" turning to the boy, "You want to do a trade? I got ...uh... Take Five here...[dig, dig]... and uh...."
"I'M ALLERGIC TO NUTS!" He almost blurts at me as he plunks the peppermint patty back into my bowl.
What the hell kid. What the fuck are you out BEGGING for candy then? I mean, c'mon. You're embarrassing me, your humilating dad... and just look at your well-behaved sister who's stuck trolling behind your candy-ass (pun sort of not intended) only to miss out on a great haul.
"Well, everything else I have HAS nuts [thumbing past some Reeses Cups]."
"I'm ALLERGIC TO NUTS!" he begins to lean into my bowl. I'm getting a little annoyed like this kid thinks I don't know what nuts are... like he needs to assist me in reading the labels or something.
"Uh, how about a bunch of vanilla tootsie rolls?" I suggest," Its all I got [waving 3 candies in the air]."
"DOES IT HAVE NUTS?"
No you fucking dolt. Have you ever heard of Tootsie Rolls? I think they were invented during WW1 for God's sake.
Dad starts to help me,"C'mon buddy - yeah, those are great, get some of those. I'll eat 'em"
I take the outstretched hand of opportunity and shove the candies in his bag, "There you go! Give these to dad - he likes 'em. G'night!"
I really wish I could have tape-recorded this event.
posted by Brooke Ullman at 10:27 PM
1 Comments:
I'm generally opposed to corporal retribution, but, I gotta tell you, I might have been tempted to jerk a knot in that boy's head. But what do I know, that's probably what goes for precious nowadays.
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