To Have or Have Not
Jen's having a girl - due in August. Her sister is due in September (?)(younger than me). D is due in November. Meg is due in November. Jess is due in July. Some other nameless are considering starting. I began this baby topic over a year ago... and here I am. AH! I'm surrounded. And I don't know how I feel about it.
To have or have not?
I toy with this - wrestle with this is more like it.
I don't have the time, I'd be a terrible parent, I have no patience, we have no money, I want to do all these projects around the house this summer, I enjoy drinking a beer with a smoke after work, I like sleeping in and doing what I want when I want, I hate having to do laundry, the dogs are already a handful, I want to fill the house with nice furniture minus kiddie stains, I don't want to ruin my body, I can't deal with the realities of passing a human, I don't want anything suckling my chest, I can't stand crying, poopy diapers make me dry heave, puking makes me dry heave, I hate kids who make scenes in public places, I can't ever hop in the car and "go".
I will never have any family once my parents die (I'm an only child), I like acting stupid and goofy - not fully grown up, I have a pretty good grasp on being an adult (responsible), I don't want Christmas to loose the amazement it had when I was a kid - kids really do make the season, I want to go out trick-or-treating with my kid dressed up, I want to teach someone the basics about cooking, I want something to lay on my chest breathing heavily and occasionally hiccupping during nap time, I'm curious as hell what it feel like to feel a baby move inside you, I want someone to run TO me when crying, I want someone to be amazed when I show them what I know & share my talents with them, I want someone to go out back and play with the dogs, I want someone to pick weeds for my vases, I want someone hanging out at the house when they are a teenager, I want a teen to go to lunch with, I want someone to come home from college, I want someone new and creative in this world that makes me laugh cause I never thought of it that way.
To have or have not?
I toy with this - wrestle with this is more like it.
I don't have the time, I'd be a terrible parent, I have no patience, we have no money, I want to do all these projects around the house this summer, I enjoy drinking a beer with a smoke after work, I like sleeping in and doing what I want when I want, I hate having to do laundry, the dogs are already a handful, I want to fill the house with nice furniture minus kiddie stains, I don't want to ruin my body, I can't deal with the realities of passing a human, I don't want anything suckling my chest, I can't stand crying, poopy diapers make me dry heave, puking makes me dry heave, I hate kids who make scenes in public places, I can't ever hop in the car and "go".
I will never have any family once my parents die (I'm an only child), I like acting stupid and goofy - not fully grown up, I have a pretty good grasp on being an adult (responsible), I don't want Christmas to loose the amazement it had when I was a kid - kids really do make the season, I want to go out trick-or-treating with my kid dressed up, I want to teach someone the basics about cooking, I want something to lay on my chest breathing heavily and occasionally hiccupping during nap time, I'm curious as hell what it feel like to feel a baby move inside you, I want someone to run TO me when crying, I want someone to be amazed when I show them what I know & share my talents with them, I want someone to go out back and play with the dogs, I want someone to pick weeds for my vases, I want someone hanging out at the house when they are a teenager, I want a teen to go to lunch with, I want someone to come home from college, I want someone new and creative in this world that makes me laugh cause I never thought of it that way.
posted by Brooke Ullman at 11:55 AM
6 Comments:
Oh, vasillating one, if you wait til you can afford it or unitl you convince yourself that your situation is completely ready, you'll be too late. Having kids is the most life-altering thing you will ever do, and no one can tell you how so, you'll just have to experience it. It is most important, though, that folks like you who are intelligent & capable and oh so attractive have children because we are currently being overpopulated by indescribably wretched beasts & we need to pull the curve back to keep from being innundated with marginal humans. So, it is incumbent on you to keep us from the precipice, and proceate.
Thanks PW - that all sounds great. And really, we joke about the miscreants in this world, too - there does need to be some sort of fight back with creating decent humans!
if you really want all the things you said, which by the way are the best parts of being a mother, then by all means have one! You will be an amazing mother. You already know what is important!
If you THINK it to death, you will ALWAYS find a reason why it's not a good time. Just do it, girl. You will be a great mother, no matter what you think NOW. From what you've written, you're more than ready, you just don't know it yet.
As for the body, there's always plastic surgery! And knowing you, you'll be back in your size 2 with no stretch marks a day after the kid is born! And no one said you have to breast feed! Diapers are unavoidable, but not so bad when it's YOUR kid.
I can send mine to you on loan. You know, just for a week or a month or so. Then you'd know what it's all about...the good and the bad.
Its funny how in life you are so much more aware of those things around you when you are in that age group. For example, when I was graduating college - all I saw were "gifts for grads" everywhere I went. When I got married, all TV shows and ads were about marriage. Now, its the kids. Maybe I'm just overtly sensitive and thinking about it all too much. I think we'd choose to have them if we could. I don't think we can. We've forgotten jimmy hats for almost a year now... I'm wondering if its in our cards and maybe I like to pretend that its my choice. That all sounds so sad- nobody post after this with some "cheer me up", this wasn't a plea for sympathy, rather a statement of fact.
Let go of your fear. Jimmy hats or not, you can only get pregnant if you have sex in a very specific forty-eight hours during EACH CYCLE. The chance of you hitting that exact time of the month on ANY given month is slim to none if you're not actively trying.
Trust me, I'm a conception gu-ru.
I have books if you want them.
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