Political Debate
Went to Greensboro this past weekend to see the folks one last time before baby. Over breakfast we embarked on the recent Supreme Court ruling to "...uphold a law that banned a type of late-term abortion."
A few months ago, my uncle made a comment to my father that, now that I am pregnant, he said maybe I will believe in Right-to-Life. I found this to be crap and it really made me mad. So this topic is a big topic for us to get into over bacon and eggs.
My dad said 2nd term abortion is terrible and should be banned. I can't disagree - its horrible. Partial birth abortion? Terrible. But, the people who make these kinds of choices are not simply "lazy" and just getting around to the abortion decion late. They aren't whores or uneducated people who think its a form of birth control. First of all, its a small percentage of women,... I won't throw out numbers since I'm not able to find it online as back-up. Second of all, many of them are babies that will never survive outside the womb, or have a disability that will create an extremely difficult life like cerebral palsy, spina bifida, or face hundreds of other medical difficulties. I have felt our baby move at 18 weeks while I waited to find out if she passed her cerebral palsy testings... I cannot imagine the difficulty in having to terminate at that point. And yet, if the odds were stacked against us, we'd probably lean toward doing it. I couldn't stand to get more attached to someone who would simply not thrive passed birth - how horrible. Its all too tragic to think about.
So my mom chimes in, "I don't see why these people who are Right-to-Lifers don't just stand outside the abortion clinic and offer to take care of these kids that people can't care for or aren't able to care for. If they believe in life so much, where are they after its born?"
To which I look at my dad, "Cause these are the same people, like dad, who also don't want their taxes raised to cover medicaid & welfare."
A few months ago, my uncle made a comment to my father that, now that I am pregnant, he said maybe I will believe in Right-to-Life. I found this to be crap and it really made me mad. So this topic is a big topic for us to get into over bacon and eggs.
My dad said 2nd term abortion is terrible and should be banned. I can't disagree - its horrible. Partial birth abortion? Terrible. But, the people who make these kinds of choices are not simply "lazy" and just getting around to the abortion decion late. They aren't whores or uneducated people who think its a form of birth control. First of all, its a small percentage of women,... I won't throw out numbers since I'm not able to find it online as back-up. Second of all, many of them are babies that will never survive outside the womb, or have a disability that will create an extremely difficult life like cerebral palsy, spina bifida, or face hundreds of other medical difficulties. I have felt our baby move at 18 weeks while I waited to find out if she passed her cerebral palsy testings... I cannot imagine the difficulty in having to terminate at that point. And yet, if the odds were stacked against us, we'd probably lean toward doing it. I couldn't stand to get more attached to someone who would simply not thrive passed birth - how horrible. Its all too tragic to think about.
So my mom chimes in, "I don't see why these people who are Right-to-Lifers don't just stand outside the abortion clinic and offer to take care of these kids that people can't care for or aren't able to care for. If they believe in life so much, where are they after its born?"
To which I look at my dad, "Cause these are the same people, like dad, who also don't want their taxes raised to cover medicaid & welfare."
posted by Brooke Ullman at 8:39 PM
5 Comments:
This is such a difficult topic for me. I do not believe in using abortion as a form of birth control, but I don't believe anyone has the right to tell someone whether or not they are "allowed" to get an abortion.
Had my daughters NOT been born with a disability, they wouldn't be my daughters. I am thankful every day of our lives their birth parents chose to give them life, even if they didn't choose to raise them (lucky for us.)
So it pains me to say that I agree with you regarding second term abortions. They are horrible, but I could not bring a child into the world that I knew would not survive or would have a very short, painful life. I couldn't put a child through that.
Unfortunately, some people feel some imperfections (like Down syndrome) are "good" reasons to abort. They would toss that diagnosis in the pot with Trisomy 13, Trisomy 18 or spina bifida, etc. But Down syndrome isn't fatal. It isn't this huge monster that everyone makes it out to be.
But who decides which anomalies are okay to abort and which ones aren't? On one hand, I want to say it's up to each woman or couple on a case by case basis. But on the other hand, I want people in that situation (with a T21 diagnosis) to SEE it's not the horror they expect it to be...but they'll never know that if they terminate. But it's not my call to make for THEM.
Double edged sword, my friend, double edged sword!
Sorry to go all gung-ho on your blog!
Clearly there cannot be a consensus opinion on abortion, maybe our most incindiary political debate (excepting maybe race issues). It has always seemed to me that as a male, I will never, ever have to decide to carry a pregnancy to term or end it. I can never be raped & left to decide on the future of a procreated reminant of that violation. I will never have the angst of carrying a critically, terminally ill infant into the world with no hope of recovery nor resources to accommdate the little one's needs. I will never have to decide to follow through on a god-awful mistake or lapse in judgement.
As a male, I cannot in good conscience dictate to the women of this nation how they should decide this vexing issue of abortion. Surely, were I a contributor in the act, I may have a voice in that singular matter. But, in the end, only the woman should have the final say.
The only viable way to settle policy in this country on this troubling issue is to ask the women of America to decide. It's not right that this debate continues to be driven by legislatures and judiciaries that are made up predominantly of males. Otherwise, this debate could persist for all time.
Imperfect Christian - I knew you would comment... and do so, quickly! I agree with many of your comments and thoughts. And yes, many would terminate with the prospects of Down Syndrome. I cannot say what I would do with that diagnosis but with this being our first, I might lean in that direction as well. One truly cannot say without being in that situation. And, I hope I never am.
I think once you have a child or meet a child - you fall in love with it and the choices begin swinging in the opposite direction. Its easier to terminate than it is to adopt out... it would be for me. Ending that bond quickly seems easier to recover from. I'm sure for many, the opposite is true, particularly if you believe in giving life rather than ending it - I'm sure my way of doing things seems selfish.
I, too, wonder, what is a reasonable amount of physical or mental diabilities before one decides to abort. No one will ever agree on a set of limitations.
I wonder what the birth parents of your two girls think. I want to know how many overtly critical people attack them for giving up their children simpy based on the fact that they had Downs OR the amount of people who commend them for making the decision to bring these children into the world... to make loving parents like you very happy.
Philbert - once again your thoughts are greatly appreciated and reflect a very well thought-out attitude on this topic. I think what you said makes for a great read - its nice to here a man's perspective... and with that,... a man's perspective in which you say it should be predominently a woman's choice.
However, this debate will exist for all time no matter what the current legislature has made legal. As long as people feel it is necessary to control other's choices or feel their opinion is more valid than someone else's - this battle will rage on.
I feel I can speak relatively well for both birth parents since I have contact with them both. J's bio parents have learned so much from her and she hasn't had personal contact with them since we took custody of her. Yet, they never regret their choice not to terminate.
I've heard of many people who chose adoption and not one regretted their choice (as opposed to termination.) I have, however heard of many stories of people who terminated and regretted it forever.
Their daughters are love and have a wonderful quality of life. They will become adults, possibly live on their own, hold jobs, fall in love and who knows...maybe get married and have children of their own. I know it may seem like a far reach, but it's happening more and more often.
One of the reasons I blog is so people can SEE that my girls are no different than my son. They are no different than anyone else...they just take a little longer to master new skills. As a mom, I'm okay with that. They can stay my babies as long as they want.
Well, ok, maybe just until they enter kindergarten!
This abortion debate is a big one. After all, you can't test for autism and that happens once out of every 166 births...and some of those kids have it WAY worse than my girls.
So again, it goes back to where do you draw the line?
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